As I was reading through some health blogs, I came across Bob Doucette’s post titled, Don’t Be That Guy. He made some good points about guys (and girls) who practice what Bob calls “douchebaggery” (ill manners in the gym) and I immediately recalled an incident that had aggravated me recently at my health club.
I told Bob I was going to steal his title because I liked it. I’m also going to steal his style of telling the story because it is a good one. I’m not going to steal his term douchebaggery because he coined it and fair is fair. I prefer the term dolt.
I’ve made it to the gym two Fridays in a row and I don’t usually go on Friday. Last Friday as I was working my biceps on the fitness machine, an old coot walked over and stood very close to me so that I felt uncomfortable operating the machine. Guys: don’t ask me if I have beer in my water bottle. I don’t find it charming especially coming from you with your over-sized beer gut at my eye level. I told this dolt that I don’t drink much in case he was screwing up the courage to ask me out for a brew. He made another comment about how he only drinks one…and then another one, and then another one. I put my head down as if to say I’m going back to working out now, goodbye! He left. Don’t be THAT guy.
When I work out, I get very focused. I’m busy counting my repetitions and I don’t have much time for chat. I’m working with machines and I don’t want to be hurt while using them by not paying attention to what I’m doing and making small talk or whatever. I was working (this was the same Friday) at the machine for my adductors, or my inner thigh muscles. Ladies, this machine puts you in an uncompromising position similar to the one at your OB-GYN doctor’s office except that you’re sitting down. A friend of the old coot had placed the bottle of cleaning solution near me. He bent down to take a look at a part of me (that I’m not going to describe here), pretending to pick up the bottle. I ignored him but I heard a woman’s voice from behind me yell, “WATCH IT!!” as a warning to him. He was sufficiently embarrassed because she had caught him in the act. He sheepishly asked me if I wanted the bottle and I said no. That was dolt number 2. Don’t be THAT clown!
When I walk on the track, especially after I’ve worked out and am sweaty and exhausted, don’t pretend that you don’t see me on the track and cut across in front of me making me stop short. I can’t tell you how many men (and a few women too) have done this. I’d hate to see them driving in traffic! I got so ticked off at people doing this that one day, I saw a guy walking towards the track and I could see from the speed he was walking that he wasn’t going to stop. He looked directly at me and I looked directly at him; glared is more like it. If he dared to cross in front of me that day I was going to give him a piece of my mind that the entire floor would have heard! In other words, if looks could kill, he’d be dead. He saved his life by stopping until I walked on. Don’t be THAT guy or THAT girl!
I like facing the big picture windows when I use the elliptical trainer machine. I go for 45 minutes which is what I normally do. Just because I did 45 minutes this past Friday, it doesn’t mean I was waiting patiently for you to take the machine next to mine when there are 25 other *$#! elliptical machines on the floor. I’m not interested. Read my body language: I’m not looking at you, I’m not smiling at you, I’m not talking to you. What does that tell you? Don’t be THAT guy!
I tried to find a good video from YouTube to insert into this blog since Bob had one on his blog, but they were all pathetic. There was one video about meeting women at the gym that almost made it into this blog until one of the guys in it made the comment, “But she had makeup on.” Just because I comb my hair and wear lipstick to the gym doesn’t mean I’m there to pick up men. It’s hard to believe I have to defend that. Really, aren’t you grasping at straws here fellas? Women go to the gym for most of the same reasons as you: to get in shape and be healthy. Don’t demean us by thinking otherwise.
Here’s a clue: be extra diligent cleaning the machine that you’re on when you see me waiting for it. I dig your message of respect. Be THAT guy. It’s OK for you to look silly stopping short and nearly falling when you’re exhausted from working out and about to crash into me when I’m on the track. I appreciate YOU making every effort to avoid a collision. Be THAT guy. Finally, it’s OK to tell me that I don’t have to wipe down the machine after I’ve finished using it because you’re just going to put your towel on the machine anyway. Be THAT guy. I’d go out with THAT guy.
There may be a follow up to this post because there is no shortage of dolts at my health club. I just picked the ones from recent memory.
Ladies, what ticks you off at your health club?